Awaiting

I waited for this coordinates for 38 years and the moment arrived.. The child in me jumped and it was as if I moved all the way back.. Everything was familiar, very comfortable as it has passed. No Anxiety for you know the answers, You have lived thro it.. Safe Past.. Now the reality, the Truth happened.. After a real long wait, it fell flat taking away all the Spirits in a second where my wait from now on became nothing of a looking forward positive feel but one where it has left a distaste. This is not the first time somewhere it was a wait of 10 yrs Some 15 but this was the longest and the very same happened... This wait was a loving burden which I carried.. What I hold in my memory and what others hold may be very different. Expectations don't match or Are we not taking what is so beautifully available in the present.
I meet them live where the other person left me.. Same smell, Same feel, Same love, Same hatred and everything as fresh as that day or those days. Not just a thought ...it is .. Ya IT IS.. as if it is Real Time.. May be different for him and his memory, Totally different... That's the way.. MOVE ON.. No more setting up expectations and no more bragging on remembering vivid past in micro and being very descriptive..
Did I look for affection. Mother was always duty bound. So is the partner.. Am I being sissy hiding under the past Sweet memories ...
Abstractness is difficult to explain and extremely tough if one sets up an expectation here too.